The Bad Box Carlton Mellick Eraserhead Press (September 1, 2020) eBook/ Trade Paperback/ 152 pp
I think we can all admit that the year 2020 has been a public display of one never-ending shit-show after another. But let’s try really hard to keep it positive here because the great godfather of Bizarro Fiction has dropped a new book on us back in September, and it’s quite honestly more than a lot of fun. It’s tons of fun and then some really if we’re going to be completely honest here. It’s a long walk in the park with hairy white goat legs. It’s x-ray vision. It’s kind of like shooting rainbows from out of your fingertips. It’s weird looming googly, ball-bearing eyes. It’s learning how to instantly speak Cantonese out of the deep blue. It’s also body moles, A.D.D., and wiggly wretched brown banana slug fingers. Like I said, TONS of fun and then some because it’s the bee’s $#@&!#% knees, folks.
“Little Benny isn’t very good at taking tests. It’s not that he’s a stupid kid or doesn’t pay attention in class. It’s just that he’s absolutely terrified of failure. It doesn’t matter how hard he studies. He gets so nervous that he freezes up and his mind goes blank, rarely even answering a single question before the time is up. This is especially difficult now that he’s in Mrs. Gustafson’s fifth grade class, where the punishment for failure is to draw a curse from the bad box—a magical device that permanently mutates children into horrific monsters.”
Benny Paulsen hates taking tests more than anything in the world and just can’t seem to pass any of them to save his life. He keeps having to reach his hands into that godforsaken bad box made of black steel, wrapped in barbed wire and chains, accompanied by a set of long drooling monstrous teeth. It hisses and growls in the Mrs. Gustafson’s hands, oozing a thick, dark fluid that smells like dead fish. It’s filled to the brim with dread and unease. It’s a very, very evil box. Benny just received his fifteenth punishment, and it might be worse than all the others, but, at this rate, only time will really tell. After hooking up with and becoming friends with Mika, a translucent blue slimeball (thanks to Mrs. Gustafson’s Bad Box) the two of them are now known as the Super Villains. So, what better time than now to team up and plot a devious bad box heist. But you will have to read the rest of the book to find out what really happens for yourself. This book is a lot of fun. The author manages to keep the reader heavily engaged in the storyline as the loveable (and well not-so-lovable) characters continue to keep getting weirder and weirder by the turn of every page, and the payoff in the end is exactly what we as the reader always wanted or needed. It’s also kinda/sorta like this overly cute, cuddly fun body horror story. Imagine a group of kids playing Candyland on the set of Hellraiser. Or, something like all hands on deck the Ouija planchette on a colorful playset with the Teletubbies.
Globster Time Machine from Riot Forge is now available on amazon in both Kindle and Paperback formats (LINK BELOW). Special thanks to Don Noble for his hard work and no play. Edited by Chris Kelso. Artwork by Luke Spooner via Carrion House.
“Getting dumped is one of the worst feelings ever. Just ask hopeless romantic and borderline alcoholic extraordinaire, Vincent Vecker, who’s about to commit suicide in Aurora, IN, a place where ex-girlfriends are just as much the present as they are the past. There isn’t a soul alive who thinks Vincent will ever get his act together. Not in time that is. He’s too selfish and his relationships always end in a sloppy mess. But, what happens when he meets a metal Globster washed up on the shore at the beach? Can the two of them work together to solve Vincent’s life problems, make some new friends, and land him back on his own two feet, or in the driver’s seat of a brand new convertible with the top down on a super ultra-mega hot date with the talk of the town, Holly Hollow? Globster Time Machine is an action-packed Bizarro Adventure story all mixed up inside those classic Science Fiction time travel tales that we all know and grew to love so much. Brought to you by the fine folks over at Riot Forge.”
DOCUMENTS via Dynatox Ministries is now available and in stock (LINK BELOW).
From the author’s note: DOCUMENTS was my second attempt at working on something that blurs the lines between fiction and reality, utilizing core elements found in Dada and Surrealism, and also Experimental Fiction and Science Fiction alike.
I’m happy to announce that Pink Planet is now available in both Kindle and Paperback formats on Amazon via the great and fantastic RIOT FORGE. Special thanks to those below and Don Noble for making this thing happen! This is my first kindle book and I couldn’t be happier to share it with you.
“Welcome to Hopesfall, MA. A place where strange things occur and a new action-packed video game titled Pink Planet has just hit the shelf. Watch Milo’s life unravel at the seams as he finds out his girlfriend Kat is cheating on him with his arch nemesis, Brad. Will he believe his best friend’s accusations before it’s too late for heartbreak? Will he ever reach 6900 points in one hot, sweaty sex combo to unlock a bonus scene with one of his favorite pornstars of all-time, Molly Methhead? Pink Planet is a modern day vintage sleaze paperback with a Bizarro twist brought to you by the fine folks over at Riot Forge.”
Mighty in Sorrow: A Tribute to David Tibet & Current 93 is now available from Dynatox Ministries on Amazon.
Check out my short story “All in a Row” alongside authors such as Thomas Ligotti, Joseph Pulver Sr., Daniel Mills, Michael Griffin, Robert M. Price and lots more. This thing packs a mean punch and I think it’s one of my favorite anthologies that I have read so far this year.
A literary tribute to a true visionary. David Tibet has been a poet, artist, and musician for over 30 years and has influenced countless other musicians, artists, and authors. In this anthology, those who have been influenced by Tibet and Current 93 try to repay this debt in literary form.
Welp, with beautiful artwork from Justin Coons the remake of the legendary DIY pink chapbook formerly known as “Liza” has made its way into a KRALLCON 2.0 Exclusive via Dynatox Ministries. This version also featured a new action-packed introduction by the infamous Garrett Cook and a weird little bonus story about building a robot at the end titled, “Boris D. Burnhart”.
Check out my short story “The House at the End of Blood Pond Road” alongside many other great and fantastic tales of horror. This thing rocks! Danger. Demons involved. Tread lightly, and carry a big cross. Reports of strange occurrences have been reported by those that have read this anthology.
So! This madness happened around last Christmas time. A bunch of weirdo’s got together and read some weird stuff. Readings were conducted by some seasoned veterans alongside a couple of new up and coming authors paying refuge to Eraserhead Press’s NBAS. The readings were great. The event was a blast. I think it’s safe to say that we all had fun in our own unique and creative ways.
COMING SOON FROM DYNATOX MINISTRIES is an anthology of stories about FEET! My short story “Allie” is in here alongside so many other great and talented authors who also love the concept of a nice foot. Edited by BOSS KRALL. TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF AND STAY AWHILE!